Sunday, March 16, 2014

Fred Phelps pickets own funeral

TOPEKA (Reuters): Fred Phelps, founder of the notorious Westboro Baptist Church, has announced plans to picket his own funeral this upcoming weekend, sources say.

"It seems like the right thing to do," mused the aging patriarch from his deathbed Sunday night. "We need to show that no one is immune, not even the supreme fag-hater of them all."

Phelps, who rose to prominence through a campaign of hate speech and colorful signage, was recently excommunicated by his own church. Regardless, relatives say his devotion to the cause is unsurprising.

"I wouldn't put it past him to conquer death just to troll himself," his son Nathan stated in a Reddit AMA this afternoon. "He's a crotchety old bastard."

Westboro parishioners have prepared for Fred's attendance at his funeral with two specially made signs, bearing the legends GOD HATES FRED and FRED DIES GOD LAUGHS.

God could not be reached for comment.

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